In a few weeks I should have been finished my hairdressing apprenticeship and have had over $50,000 in my bank account. Instead I sit on my bed, looking around at my messy room feeling like an absolute failure. I have under $10,000, no official qualifications, other than a cert 3 in beauty therapy, and no idea what to do next. I'm restless and angry. "Why didn't I stick with my apprenticeship???" "Why can't I ever finish ANYTHING?" I never even finished school. I'm always quitting. Always looking for a way to make it all work. I feel so pathetic. "What the hell am I doing with my life?" "Why is this my life?" "Should I finish my apprenticeship?" "Should I finish school and go to uni?" "Damn it, I could have had a house by now."

All these thoughts are running wild in my mind and my anxiety is growing. I'm used to numbing this by eating, exercising, short term goals or watching something. But tonight I need to think this through. I hear His voice, "and so you might have had a house, what is that to you? Security? Pride? Some sense of worth? And a finished an apprenticeship, what of that? Money? Worth? What is it?" Yes, a sense of accomplishment, which would give me a sense of worth, and...pride. So what then...what am I really supposed to do? If I was told I would die at the end of this year what would I spend every last moment doing? Would I finish my apprenticeship? No...Would I finish school? No...Would I spend hours watching movies? No. I would write. I would write with everything I had all the things I know about God. Every truth He has taught me about who He is, about life, and about who we are. I would write about my trials, my family, relationships, purpose, forgiveness, boundaries, addictions, spiritual battle....the list goes on. That is my passion. He is my passion. No wonder I am struggling. I am not doing the very thing He has called me to. And because of that I feel a restlessness that has been unshakable. Sometimes it can be numbed, through distractions and thoughts of other career paths. But deep inside I know anything else (at least at the moment) would be so unsatisfying.

And so it begins. I'm terrified. I don't think I'm a good writer. I have started writing so many things and never finish them. I often self-sabotage if it looks like it's getting 'good.' I even have a theory as to why and could write about that too. But most of the time I'm just used to giving up and waiting for a better time. What a lie. Straight from the enemy. Every moment wasted is time lost. Gone. Life is short and I'm tired of wasting mine. So here's the beginning of my truthful thoughts. Everything that I write is written with the deepest thoughts, prayers, passion and love.

I have had the deepest thoughts and revelations ever since I can remember. I'm about to turn 20. And it feels like my heart will to burst. I will pray that God will guide my passion with grace. I have been suppressing these thoughts for so long. Literally holding my chest and crying instead of letting the words flow out. The enemy has done so well to keep me quiet. I can sense a change of season coming as my teenage years finally come to a close. A season of so much pain, doubt, fear and wandering. But in all of it I have gained so much knowledge. I have been through so much and I pray through everything. Even when I don't necessarily want to be close to God. I still talk to Him, I ask Him what it means, why it's happening and how I'm meant to respond. He always answers. I haven't always obeyed, which is another reason perhaps as to why I'm kept quiet for so long.

So if you also have a heart that seeks the truth, I can't wait to share my thoughts with you.

With the deepest love,
Briahna

Creative hair (Courtney)



I love being creative when in comes to hair. This time I decided to do a simple 2-braided combo and my beautiful sister, Courtney, really pulled it off. :)

 



-Bri

If I have not love I am nothing...So what is love?

 

'If I have not love I am nothing. I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal.' -1 Corinthians 13:1

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And love your neighbour as yourself.' -Luke 10:27

The 10 Commandments are pretty much summed up in that one verse. For if we love each other with true love we will be obeying everyone one of them of God's Commandments and will be doing God's will as Christians. I think the problem we face is what is love meant to be? Is it just a feeling? I think God knew we might get confused and so He spelled it out quite clearly for us:

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast.

It is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking.

It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

-1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Wow. I'm so thankful for God's gift of grace. It is a true challenge to live a life of this kind of love. But that's what is meant to make us, as Christians, stand out! Join me in meditating on and memorizing that section of scripture and keep it in mind as you go through your day.

And let's not forget to pray. For know all things are possible with Christ who strengthens us.

-Bri


Elegant Model shoot (caitlin)

My second model shoot! This time it's my beautiful friend Caitlin. I decided on a more elegant look this time with natural make-up and a simple up style. 

 -Bri

Trouble following my blog

Hi lovlies,

Just a quick post regarding how to 'follow' my blog (in case you've tried and haven't been able to). Apparently clicking the 'follow' button doesn't work (don't know what's going on there). Anyway Cassie's discovered you can click the two overlapping orange boxes just to the side of this and it should let you follow from there.

-Bri

Creative Hair (annie)

Back in April at Easter (yes, sorry little blog, you have allot of catching up to do) I was blessed to be able to see two beautiful young women sing at the Shingle Inn. Annie and Imogen are both amazing and although I don't get to see them often because we live so far apart, when I do, I love it. :) I asked if I could do Annie's hair for the occasion and she said yes :)

-Bri

A chapter study of Romans

I love the book of Romans. I did a bit of a chapter study starting with Romans 1 and wrote down what I thought it meant to me and to us as Christians...

In this chapter Paul expresses a deep longing to visit the Roman church; to be able to encourage them and also to be encouraged. 11 ’I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong-12 that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.’ This is a great example of how important Christian fellowship is. And also that no one is ‘too Christian’ to be encouraged.

He then goes onto talk about God’s wrath against godless deeds of men. He talks about God’s eternal power being clear through creation and that we have no excuse for lack of faith. 20 ’For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.’ We can tell how great, powerful, wonderful, big and mighty our God is just from what He has made. Paul talks about those who, despite this knowledge, let their thinking turn selfish and foolish. He talks about people exchanging the glory of God for images. What is scary is that he says that God gave them over to their sinful desire. They didn’t take His word seriously and learnt to believe lies. They worshiped things rather than God and because of this God gave them over to their lusts. This needs to be taken seriously. Although these days we may not make idols to worship we often worship ‘things’ over God. By accepting lies in movies, music, foolish talk etc. we are learning to believe this rather than what God says is true. So in doing this we are no different. Yea...I’m worried. 25 ‘They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the creator’ 26 ‘Because of this God gave them over to their shameful lusts.’

This is big stuff. If we continue to put things in front of God or become part of the world and forget God’s truths we will be given over to them. The more we ignore the Holy Spirit’s prompts (which can only come from knowing the Bible and a relationship with God) they will no longer be there. We must repent when convicted otherwise after too many ‘next times’ we won’t have the conviction or the desire for God.

28‘Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, He gave them over to a depraved mind; to do what ought not to be done. ’This shows the important of holding on to truth- God’s word, the Bible. He says meditate on it day and night and here in Pauls letter is why. He knows us humans; we can easily stray so He says read the scriptures over and over so you won’t turn away. In psalms David says ‘Your word I have hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you.’ We can’t follow God and be Christians without knowing His word. In this Chapter it shows what can happen to those who don’t. As believers we really need to read, meditate on and put into practise practice God’s word. This is so important even after we are forgiven in order to grow as Christians this is what we have to do. Paul says at the end of the Chapter- 32 ‘Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve those who practise them.’

I see this every day in teens and adults...there seems to be no fear of God in them (but the fear of the Lord is another big issue I'd love to write about some other time) There couldn’t be though, unless they knew God’s word so I suppose it makes sense. I guess this also shows the importance of purging evil from among believers. Least they approve of bad choices and lead you astray also.

-Bri

 

Urban model shoot (lyra)

I love doing make-up on people, doing their hair and then having a photo shoot. I find it so fun and I love it because I can be creative :) I've started with my little sister Lyra....we had some great fun and I think we scored some great shots! She's a natural model. :) 

 



I love browns, greens and blues...so beautiful

-Bri

*these are all un-edited as I'm yet to find a good free editing site...if you know of one please let me know in a comment. thanks!

'A Wife of Noble Character'

I love the book of Proverbs. I’ve been going over chapter 31:10-31, ‘A wife of noble character’

No, I’m not married, but I can start to put these qualities I hope to have as a wife, into place now. I came up with these points:

-she brings good to him, not harm, all the days of her life. (I can start by doing this in my family...even when I don’t feel like it)

-she works with eager hands (I can practice this by working hard in my schooling, work for dad, when I cook etc.)

-she gets up while it is still dark (Yes...I guess I can start that too)
-her lamp does not go out at night (I can continue to work on good projects after completing my routine)
-she sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. (I can work through my daily tasks vigorously without wasting time)
-she has no fear for her household (well neither do I ;))
-she is clothed with strength and dignity (Two qualities I can start praying God will teach me to have)
-she can laugh at the days to come (hmmm I guess I can stop worrying about the future)
-she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue (I can use these years to study and memorize God’s word so that as a wife/mother I will be able to do this)
-she watches over the affairs of her household (When I am in authority I can practise this)
-she does not eat the bread of idleness (Lord help me not to do this...even now while I’m young)

‘Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.’

Lord help me focus on who I am on the inside and to grow in the reverential fear of you.

I think the thing I’m realizing is, that no one just suddenly becomes wise, or clothed with dignity or any of the things this woman is. It is learnt out of habit, out of prayer and out of reading the Bible. I want to start working on these things now so that one day they might become habits I’ll be thankful to have later on.

-Bri

My Testimony

Welcome to my blog. If you don't know me personally I am a girl with many interests, goals and desires. I'm looking forward to writing some of my many thoughts on this blog and posting photos of beautiful memories...(Just in case you hadn't picked that up in the title ;))

Although I have a love for many things on this earth, my greatest desire is to love Jesus with all my heart. So I shall start this little blog off with my testimony written earlier this year in April.

Ever since I can remember I’ve believed in God. I grew up in a Christian home, always went to church and was taught at an early age about Jesus and what He has done for me. I accepted Jesus as my saviour at 7 and repented of my sins and since then I’ve never doubted God or His amazing power and I began a very special relationship with Jesus. I’ve always felt His amazing Love in my life...I remember being so excited about being a Christian and feeling so happy at a church service at school. Even though at 7 I was incredibly immature and my faith had only just begun, I remember being excited about Jesus...I knew He was real, I really loved Him and felt free to love Him.

From the age of about 8 I began to pray more and more. God was my wonderful friend and I was often confused as to why so many teenagers were rebelling against God and didn’t seem to know Him or care to know Him. For me God was just so real and added so much joy to my simple little life. I was always very watchful of people, what they thought and did and why they did it. But I never questioned God or the Bible. If ever something went wrong I must have done something, I would never think to blame God.

At about 11 my life started to become more difficult. I was playing sport with non-Christians, trying to deal with friend issues and just life in general. I had a pretty bad attitude and it seemed like all of a sudden I was being convicted of so many sins. I felt so guilty but also powerless to change. My simple Love for God was tested and I felt far away from Him with all these sins in the way. I knew how to repent and did but it felt depressing repenting for something I knew I was going to do again. I missed God allot during these times but wasn’t sure what to do. I knew what I should do but I felt so weak...

At about 13 my relationship with God really became my everything. I was baptised, started writing a journal of my prayers, ideas of Christian concepts and lessons God was teaching me. I started to pray about every area of my life and became so interested in the Bible and really became addicted to it. I particularly liked Proverbs and as I started reading and praying more I started to change allot of things I had felt so guilty over. I became quite strong in my convictions,  had so many things racing around in my head and the more I read the Bible the more I thought about living as a Christian and what was right and wrong. As soon as I’d learn something or decide to do something good I’d have to share it with others and make sure everyone knew about it. I became like a Pharisee haha, no I was worse, I couldn’t even keep these rules myself so I had to tell everyone else. At least that way people knew what I ‘thought’ was right. It was at this time that I was reading the Bible and starting to understand concepts of Christianity that I became so judgmental of others. I was arrogant, rude and I thought I knew so much. I was convicted of this but again I felt powerless to change.

I started asking God to help me to stop being so judgmental and to make me humble and the thing I realised was that I was doing these things because I lacked the ability to love. Recently I’ve been begging God to help me learn to Love others. I was reading verses like ‘love your neighbour as yourself’, ‘if you cannot love your own brother how can you love me?’, and in Corinthians ‘if you have not love you are nothing’ it all hit hard. It was all quite depressing. I was trying to live righteously, trying not to sin and feeling so bad when I did but I just felt like I’d try harder next time. But realising I lacked love...I wasn’t sure how to change that. In fact I knew I really couldn’t. In trying to do everything ‘right’ I was missing God’s grace and His love and therefore didn’t have it myself.

God has just taken me through a time I’ve found extremely hard. But my amazing God has answered another prayer of mine by starting to teach me how to love and have compassion and mercy. I realised that absolutely nothing good is in me. Alone I’m a mess and I’m sure my family and friends can vouch for that. But this time more than ever it just amazed me the simple fact that I am loved, forgiven and can be used.

I was focusing so much on what I should do, could do and what I was learning. I worried so much about doing the right thing and because I knew what was right when I didn’t do it I felt like such a failure. I now know it’s not about me. I am a sinner and it’s God that can work in me and help me and He really has.

He has taught me so much. He has convicted me of sin after sin and brought me low when I start to think my growth as a Christian has anything to do with me.

God has given me many passions...one I want to pursue for sure is to mentor girls from the ages of 10-14. For me it was in those years that I knew God but was so weak in faith that I made bad choices even if I knew better. But I just love the way God uses your mistakes for His good and I love that He is so much more powerful than my stuff ups and failures. I really want to see young girls living for God wholeheartedly and helped during this stage of their life when they are thinking things through. I want to see them experience God with their whole heart and encourage their faith even when it’s weak.

Most of all I have leant that I don’t know much, I still have a lifetime of learning ahead of me and that I’m a sad, hopeless human being without God. I am so very weak but God is so strong and loving and good and merciful.

I most certainly do not have it all together. I’m not sure that I want to do when I finish school, I struggle with sin and fall back into bad habits I’ve thought I’d defeated. But I am excited about my future and my journey as a Christian because I know God is strong and I know He has a perfect plan for my life and I can rest in that. It’s really overwhelming His love for me and what He has already done for me in the short 15 years I’ve had on this earth.

I really Love my God. And I am so thankful that He died for me and rose again so that I can experience the most amazing relationship with Him. I really cannot wait to go to heaven and see him face to face and finally be free of my sinful nature and all that I preventing me from experiencing His greatness fully and worshiping Him with all my heart. What a day, what a day that really will be.

-Briahna